Yukimaru
by Escaped from the Twilight Zone
Summary: JirOro Mpreg. A fated meeting brings back memories of a tragic past and perhaps shines hope on the future. A new look at why Orochimaru left Konoha and hates Sarutobi so much.


Okay well here it is, as far as I know one of the few JiraiyaxOrochimaru Mpregs out there. I know this isn't popular with a lot of people, but I've had this idea in my head for along time now and I've tried to make it as professional as possible. This is a serious thought out story not a bit of fluff. Not that I have anything against fluff. Anyway here's my very first story, so I hope you like it. It's set in the gap period from Jiraiya's point of view. Enjoy!

Oh, I don't own Naruto….I mean obviously!

They had encountered each other at the boundaries of Konoha. Neither had questioned the others intentions, neither cared why their meeting had occurred. By now their encounters were choreographed down to the first snide remark that left those serpentine lips. It was, he supposed the only way they got by. Battles of words, then actions fuelled by hate they had both convinced themselves to have for each other. They would fight, one would fall and other would leave, out respect, or out of something unmentioned, that neither wished to believe. Something that had to die years ago.

It was how Jiraiya liked it to stay, this way, they could fulfil their roles perfectly, for all the world to see, and then go home and lick whatever emotionally wounds occurred in private. Today however, today was different.

He had left Naruto behind at their lodgings. It wasn't unusual behaviour for him, but his activities, to wonder aimlessly around the surveying area at mid evening, was rare. The feeling of restlessness, of been drawn by his subconscious, usually lead to a female outlet, but today it drove him further away from his student, dredging through streets and continuing on when his feet hit the grassy suburbs and then the surrounding forests beyond. He was however a man lead by gut feelings, he trusted his gut and if his gut wanted him to continue, then so be it.

He had encountered the snake sannin in a clearing haphazardly placed among the trees. He had know something was off with his old comrade the moment he had laid eyes on him, it was something…only he could have known. But it didn't matter, it was best to follow the routine they had set themselves, too much was at risk straying from it.

Orochimaru had expectedly dealt the first verbal blow, a halfhearted insult Jiraiya quickly matched, this lead neatly, as expected, onto the physical aspects. Yet, despite his efforts to play out the steps, his pale opponents half-heartedness progresses quickly from reluctance to unresponsiveness. Something, for some reason was breaking inside Orochimaru and the toad sannin wished to be long gone before it did.

He kicked his opponent around the field, much like a genin training doll, with no little to no defence been raised. Growing wary, and not admittedly worried, he had slammed the smaller man against the bark of a tree. He yelled, he insulted, he listed the mans past crimes with varying degrees of loathing. Anything to get some sought of reaction. Entering the forbidden grounds, he called upon the crimes of treachery, of bonds cruelly broken, of the murder of their beloved teacher. It was then finally, that that dreaded something broke.

"He _deserved _it Jiraiya! You know he did…you _know _it!"

The longing and desperation that clouded his eyes, the frenzy and silent pleading blazing in his voice, oh how part of him rejoiced at that sweet sound of humanity, so long he thought, dead to the man before him. Lost forever to the cold reptilian blood that coursed through his frozen heart. Yet the other part despaired at the anguish and broke at the words. For yes, somewhere deep within him, Jiraiya knew that those treacherous words were right.

"That was along time ago Orochimaru." His voice was soft, he didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to think about it. It hurt too much.

Those golden eyes grew wide; then filled with such anger…such misery. "You still take his side, you still cower at the power of those who control you."

"Orochimaru" _Stop_

"You wouldn't help me then either."

_Please stop…I can't_

"I needed you more then ever then."

_I can't hear this_

"For the only time in my life I _begged_ you to help me."

_Stop_

"And you just stood there!" Slender, white hands fisted in cloth that shielded his chest. They shook, shook with anger, sadness…hate? "You just stood there and said it was for the best."

Suddenly the small frame in front of him collapsed, legs collapsing in on themselves, slim arms wrapping themselves around a shivering body as if clasping for one last source of comfort. Long, sleek, black hair concealing his face from sight. It was heartbreaking, but Jiraiya couldn't give his heart to break. The man before him was a criminal, with a mind already submerged in madness. He couldn't feel for such a man…again. In stead he stood still, every bone, every muscle controlled. He wouldn't give in, he would look ahead and ignore. Orochimaru would rectify himself; rebuild his cold, emotionless shield as he had done since he was a child. Then hopefully they could fight and Jiraiya could care for Orochimaru the only way he could now, by putting an end to this poor, retched creatures suffering for good. Hopefully, his own in the process.

"I would have stayed."

What! 

"I would have been content."

Anger seeped through him. _How Dare He!_ Sweeping down he violently grabbed at the ebony hair, ripping it back, brutally forcing the hidden face into view.

"Don't you _dare_ lie about that you bastard!"

He was met only by a small, sad smile. One that didn't reach golden eyes.

"I'm not lying. I finally had what I'd so desperately desired, people that would care for me. I would have given it all up Jiraiya, I would have settled down into a life I hated, and I would have been happy because I had that…because I had him…him…and _you._"

His anger left him instantly, so did his energy. The hair fisted in his hands fell free as his arms flopped lifelessly to his side. Cold, freezing anguish filled his veins. He wondered briefly, was this what Orochimaru felt. This freezing feeling that circulated through his body, like cold blood.

"It wasn't natural Orochimaru, it was mistake, a result of your _stupid _experiments. What would people have thought?"

"I don't care! I loved him."

Love 

"I would have given it all up…everything. This quest, this madness that haunts me, I wouldn't have needed it. To live forever…endlessly searching, waiting…hoping for something that I fear will now never come. All this power, to keep myself safe. You call it selfish. But don't you realise I would have given it all to protecting the ones I cared about…if I had been allowed the chance."

Gold hesitant eyes searched out his, a cold, fragile hand sought his own, gently resting on the end of his fingers. They dare not come any closer.

"Did you…could you have loved him to?"

Loved him? With that silky white hair, those big wide golden eyes, inquisitive and innocent as only one so young and new could have been. That soft white skin, oh he had loved him from first sight. How beautiful he would have looked…just like his mother.

"Yes."

"And you loved me?"

There was no point lying anymore.

"More then anything."

"Then why did you…"

Orochimaru's voice to Jiraiya had always been akin to refined silk, smooth, polished, unflawed by the crude ruggedness of the masculine accent . To hear that voice crack, produce a sound fashioned from raw, coarse emotions was almost unbearable. Yet to see tears form in the corner of those serpentine eyes, filled him with hope had not felt in such a long time. It filled him with light, a warmth that he had never felt in the presence of his old friend in over thirty years. An old kindle, that had lit for the first time when that cold, proud genin he had known had let slip a small giggle at one of his childish insults, refuelled. That same feeling of relief that he had felt then returned with renewed vigour. He said now, what he had thought with relived glee back then, when the fear of that strange boy he had known had melted for the first time.

"You're still human in there."

And there was that scowl, that face he had always got when he had done something particularly stupid, or worse, questioned Orochimaru's gender one to many times. Even in this most desperate of times, he felt like smiling.

"Don't mock me Jiraiya!"

There was his Orochimaru…_his_, when was the last time he had thought that?

"Well you were acting like such a sissy, It's just not manly, honestly anyone would think you were an…"_ow!_

He'd been hit, it didn't hurt though, it never used to, not when they were play fighting.

"I've got you back!"

There was that glare again.

"Don't be so stupid you idiot, honestly you will never grow up will you? Not once in your life will you ever take anything seriously. Honestly I…."

"You've come back to me."

He cupped those pristine cheeks, a little sharper, more defined then they were in his youth, but still so smooth.

"I never thought I'd see you again but you're here now."

There was still underlying sadness in those eyes, but then, it was always there. Even in there youth when they would laugh together in their own private world, it never truly left. Yet there looking up at him, was a small trace of happiness. Like the slightest of smiles that meant so much more then a shining grin. That used to be the centre of his world. It would keep him going everyday until…

His face dropped. He could still remember the screams of agony, the blood, the fear reflected in Sarutobi-sensei's eyes. He thought he was going to loose Orochimaru that night. Just to hear that he had lived, survived was enough for him. For the briefest moment, for just that one second he had hated what had almost took him from him. Unfortunately, that was long enough to loose it forever.

"That night I cared only for your safety. I thought only for you."

"I lived."

"But what about your future? You were to be Hokage Orochimaru, a great Hokage. If you…if we had kept it, what would the elders have said. You would have been found out, those…experiments. I overlooked them that night, so did Sarutobi sensei but they wouldn't have, you know that. I couldn't risk loosing you again. And…and for a moment, I know it was stupid but I thought...I thought it was just another experimental result for you. It was all you ever talked about for months. I didn't realise then that... I was already loosing you then, I guess, I guess I blamed it for that as well. I thought if it could just be you and me, just the two of us back together for a while, I could get you back, we could be like we used to. Sarutobi said…said it was for the best."

He looked into eyes with so much bitterness it struck him. Angry fists separated his hands from their caress like they were burning cinders.

"And what of me now!?"

Then he realised, it was his fault. All his fault. After he had recovered, Orochimaru had never been the same. He isolated himself from others, resuming with doubled efforts, he could only guess, his experiments, falling deeper into the hands of madness. He had felt so utterly betrayed, heartbroken when Orochimaru had left. He began to hate him, and had attempted with such force to loose all love for him. Yet when he looked back now, he saw happiness where he thought he had seen obsession. Neither of them had planned it, it had been a complete accident of both parts, but to Orochimaru, it had been a promise of a new life to come, filled with hope, which he had shattered in a single stroke. The ultimate betrayal.

"He was so beautiful Orochimaru, and I'm…so sorry."

"Jiraiya…"

"Please try to understand, I know I was selfish but I was trying to do what I thought was right at the time. Sarutobi…"

"You should _never_ have gone to him! Never have told _Him_!"

"I needed help Orochimaru! You were dying! I didn't know who else to turn to. No one knew but us, I couldn't trust anyone else."

"Tsunade…"

"There was so much blood…even I couldn't take it."

He caught his eyes, desperately trying to convey the helplessness he felt, then and now.

"She could never have done it, you know that."

"I still _hate_ him. He took him away!"

A venomous whisper poised with detest, the malicious spirit of the snake awoke with the taste of pure untainted hate. Maddened passion seeped into slit irises, something Jiraiya had to stop. Tonight could not be in vain, he couldn't emotionally survive it.

"He was only thinking of you Orochimaru."

A slap, it stung on his cheek, his fight for the fragile mans sanity was being overwhelmed.

"He thought only of himself. His precious little genius, his protégée tainted by love. No that would never do _would _it Jiraiya. He made me this way, it's his fault, his fault, all his fault!"

Perhaps it was the most primal of mans urges that spurred his actions, a rival in the form of madness sought to take his mate away from him, perhaps it was the desperation of a breaking heart, but Jiraiya could not loose what he had only just gained. He took that slender face in his hands and with one fated swoop, made his last attempt to reach his precious person from the depths of insanity. Lips met lips in an action once so familiar to them and once again he tasted the sweet nectar his subconscious craved for in his dreams.

With that, the proverbial flood gates opened, and his once love wept. Wept for the loss of his parents, wept for the abandoned lonely child he had been, wept at love lost, wept at a dream destroyed and most of all wept at the life he been fated to. And Jiraiya held him, supporting him in strong arms, strength the once proud missing nin had could no longer maintain.

When the storm had died, and both soldiers, tired and injured, laying worn on the field of battle, a small sigh passed through those pale, thin lips. It was the whisper of defeat. Orochimaru has finally succumbed or perhaps, was just too tired to fight any longer.

"I looked for him Jiraiya, I never gave up hoping… but I could never find him, for all I know he could be dead, dead at the hands of sensei before I even awoke the next morning to find him gone."

"No Orochimaru." He pulled a weak shivering frame into his. Night had reached it's thickest by now, he had not noticed. A cold air coiled around the couple, breathing its frozen breath on mortal skin. Orochimaru needed heat, he had never faired well in cold temperatures. The man in his lap was to weak to care for himself at the moment, Jiraiya was his last hope in all too many senses. A tattered last line of hope he was, almost fatally doomed to break when reality struck its harsh whip. But he would try. Orochimaru desperately needed hope and heat and both the white haired man would provide to the best of his abilities.

"No Orochimaru…he's out their. He's out their somewhere, and he's living. He's in his early thirties, and he looks…well I guess he looks almost just like you do now."

There was a stifled chuckle below him, it brought about a small smile.

"He's got a family by now, cause obviously he takes after me and is completely irresistible." A snort sounded, he chose to ignore it. "He's got a partner whose strong and can give him a kick up the arse whenever he gets any crazy ideas in his head. He gets that from both of us. He's strong, obviously the strongest ninja in his village with his parentage. You've probably heard about him you know, one of those feared and respected ninja that all the genin go starry eyed over. And he has three kids, yeah defiantly three. The oldest is a boy, an he takes just after his granddad, strong, handsome, a complete lady killer.."

"Get over yourself Jiraiya."

"Shush….ahem, anyway as I was saying. The seconds a boy to, and I guess he takes after his dad, kind of handsome in that girly way that women love for god knows why. Oh and he's really smart, top of his class. That he gets from his other granddad. And finally…lets see, we have a girl, yeah a little girl. And she has long black hair and pale skin and looks just like you did when you were that ag…ow! Geeze will you stop hitting me! I'm telling you about our grandkids, take it seriously you bastard!"

There was that smile again, small and barley noticeable, but there and reassuring.

A white, thin hand reached up, cupping his cheek and tracing the red lines from eyelash to chin in an affectionate manner.

"Jiraiya I…I don't know what to…"

He shushed him. It didn't matter, not anymore. He had his Orochimaru back from the dead and nothing was going to take that away. Just a little while longer, that's all he wished for. Just until the break of day when the sun would bring home the reality of their situation.

"Orochimaru…" With the harshness of hate and insanity washed away, Jiraiya could almost see his eighteen-year-old love there again. More soft and feminine then Tsunade could ever hope to be, gazing up at him with sorrow but also devotion.

"Orochimaru…you're so beautiful."

He kissed him again, but this time it was filled with tenderness and affection. Laying him down he retraced the familiar territory, tracing every crevice, every plane of his lover's body. Oh how had missed this, his true beloved, his eternal property laying underneath him with a submissiveness, that the outside world would never see. It was only when his hands, following their usual routine in such circumstances moved to remove the restrictions between skin and skin, that an urgent iron grip halted him.

"No Jiraiya!"

The battle had been lost, why did he still insist of fighting?

But then, he saw desperation and fear in those eyes, not determination. It was something no other had probably ever had the opportunity, or more devastation to see.

"Don't you understand? It can't happen again Jiraiya, I…I couldn't survive it again. You'd loose me forever this time, into depths even _you _could not draw me from."

_Loose Him_. Yes he would be lost, lost into madness so deep he would probably destroy himself in the process. He couldn't, _wouldn't _let that happen.

"I swear Orochimaru, if that happens, I'd make things right this time."

"How?" _So untrusting _

"I don't know how. You know I've never been as smart as you Orochimaru, I…I just know I would, I would be there for you, come to you."

"To sound?"

_What a ridiculous notion_

"No! Perhaps…you must come to me and we could leave!"

"And go where?" The man below him was getting dubious. Did he believe this to be one of his spectacular fantasies?

"Anywhere! Just away from here, Konoha, everybody, far away. We'll raise that family you've always wished for."

_Please believe me…I would._

"_Family."_ A faint echo of a whisper, filled with so much hope, so much uncertainty.

"I swear it."

"You wouldn't."

_I'd do anything for you to believe in me again._

"I would!"

"You love Konoha too much!"

_Even bring to an end this tiresome charade of war and hate we play. A perilous fatality for the both of us._

"Not as much as I do you!"

Everything stilled. The air in the trees, the breathing from the body beneath him, or at least it seemed to to him. He'd spoken the most forbidden of words, words he had been resolute never to believe again.

But then those eyes, so shocked at first, filled with golden acceptance. The hand that kept him away now loosened, trailing up his arm, hooking round his neck and leading him down. The last ditch attempt by the wounded solider was over. With those words, Orochimaru had finally given in.

They sealed their oath with the oldest of human bindings. There were not fits of passion, no wild exuberance from their days of past. They made love, each movement, each utterance overflowing with the joy and sorrow that bound them together and a climax sealed with secret whispers of renewed love. Then they slept, joined together in a dreamless peace which had long escaped them.

"Oy, old man, get you're lazy arse up will ya. God you're such a pervert! Leaving me behind and doing god knows what. What the hell were you up to anyway? Falling asleep outside…geez!"

It was a bleak foreboding glare of sunlight that hit him this morning. The incoherent rambles of his student confirmed it, but he knew Orochimaru was gone. Back to Sound, back to Sasuke, back to his driving ambition. But now it was different, now…he had hope.

Well there you have it. What do you think? I tried to keep them as in character as possible, but it's was kinda impossible when they're both going through a complete emotional breakdown, (especially Orochimaru). I realise their both abit over emotional. I was thinking about writing a prequel to this, the story of the pregnancy and what not. Maybe even a sequel? What do you think? If anyone's interested in having a go themselves, I'd be more then happy to let you. Just let me know. Oh and points to anyone who can guess what the title was.


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